Persuasion : How to Build Rapport – Part 5

Matching Experience: Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone for the first time, only to realize they lived in the same state or country as you? Or graduated from the same University you did? Or that the both of you share the same passion for the same sport or music? Or that both of you are in the same field of work?

Now, what usually happens when both of you share a common experience/interest/hobby? You instantly feel a certain connection to them and feel more comfortable in the conversation, don’t you?

The truth is we do this all the time unconsciously whenever we asks questions like, “How many times have you been to this place?”, “Where did you graduate”, “What do you do?”, “What University did you graduate from?”

Matching Emotions/Values: What makes us do what we do?

What drives our decisions and actions on a daily basis? Our decisions are always based on moving towards pleasurable emotions​and concurrently moving away from painful emotions​.

Although most of us share common pleasurable emotions that we like to move towards, we value them with different importance. The way we value the positive emotions we desire to move towards are called our ‘towards values’, so named because we want to move towards them.

For some people, love is more highly valued than success. While for others, success is placed at a higher priority than love. The way we value painful emotions that we want to avoid are called our ‘away-from values’.

Would they behave very differently and make very different decisions?

Of course they would! Would they go on the same kind of vacation?

I don’t think so. Jeff might go mountain climbing while Sam may prefer cultural tours that take him to museums and art galleries. They would also buy very different cars, marry very different women and probably be in very different careers.

Jeff would probably drive a sports car and could be an entrepreneur or a salesperson. Sam would probably drive a Volvo and be a civil servant. Therefore, the way we prioritize our towards and away from values affects how our mind makes decisions and the way we behave.

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